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Statewide Elected Officials Offer "Outrage"ous Ideas

screenshot, S. Lincoln

Statewide elected officials are outraged by HB 122, a House bill demanding further cuts to their departments. They are making some outrageous suggestions to the Senate in response.

“We’re looking at private-public partnerships for bringing in sponsorships to state parks,” Lt. Governor Billy Nungesser told the Senate Finance Committee.

“Then that would be run by, I don’t know, Holiday Inn Express or some other outfit?” committee chair Eric LaFleur asked.

“That’s exactly what we’re looking at,” Nungesser confirmed.

Secretary of State Tom Schedler let his exasperation loose:

“We need to close museums – all of ‘em!” a fuming Schedler said. “If we don’t have the money, we gotta do away with museums! Everything else in my shop is constitutionally and statutorily mandated.”

Schedler is especially irate over the proposed cuts in light of the presidential preference primary election coming up on Saturday.

“$3.5-million it costs us to put on a presidential preference primary. Do you know that over 30 states in this country force the two parties to do it themselves?”

Then Schedler warned, “You can cut my election budget to zero, if it makes you feel good and balance your budget. But guess what? All I do is show up to the table, and you gotta pay me. You’re gonna have to write the check to me.”

Statewide elected officials, including the Agriculture Commissioner, Lt. Governor, Attorney General and Secretary of State, each urged senators to consider simply allocating a set amount for their department budgets, then letting them decide how to use the money.

“It’s time for you to give us our budget, and let us run our shops,” Schedler stated.

Attorney General Jeff Landry had an alternative idea -- taking lawmakers out of the budgeting process.

“I mean, you know, if they just locked up a constitutional amendment on higher ed and one on health care, the budget could just go on cruise control,” Landry suggested.